Sunday, April 24, 2016

complexion & mass

post seizure calm,
absolute,
37.2 °C perfection
i can barely stand 
to watch.

it's just the wiring, yes;
i know...

i know.
close the eyes,
subdue breathing.
i can see how
the drive gives to worship.
neat.

neat piece of wetware.
&
the void it encompasses. 

Saturday, April 23, 2016

insects or the terrorist angle

reading about & by
manzani, cabrinovic,
bakunjin, princip

kropotkin
&
makhno
&
kravcinski.

it's the why,
my formatives.

the heroes of the age
i needed some at.

different age
now they're part of my structure,
as so many other voices
outlooks
sounds of laughter
&
weapons discharge.

still
i can only feel embarrassed
that we fucked up so badly
&
allowed the same or worse;

that men like them 
are impossible any more
& that after them
we so miserably used the word
    terrorist
on these shits today.
on military.
on soldiers.
uniforms.
in mass or solo deployment.
under one contract or the other.


correctional factor for
the corporate world of today.
the civilization stage 
of interwoven slavery
of freedom of choice
within boundaries ever enclosing
the poverty ever enclosing.

we brought about
that which can now be only salvaged
to at least some extent,
by a miracle.

the miracle.
evolution.
to make space for men
to step into
god
or
loa
pace.

to make space for what we still call
humanity.
&
than there's always an all out
conflict
the survivor takes whats left.
 won't hold my breath.
it ain't likely  happening.

with what you all call
terrorist
nowadays,
ain't likely happening.


praise your managers.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

ventriloquist dreams me, i am becoming myself due to then subsonic gut resonance, reverberates a spastic line, paroxysm that is our mutual antagonism, cut up well, cut down, now i must become a ventriloquist, anything anything anything sole purpose of getting AwAY SELF frOM SELF or dick issues

ventriloquist dream
small.
thin.
short.
you ain't helping!
 yeah?
well
fuck you!
don't think i haven't tried!
& failed, for sure.
 carbon steel,
settles real fucking pretty.

yeah?
it won't grow your cock
a millimeter longer!
 aaaah, you scrote!
ready the cyanoacrylate!
& I'll ready you a hemorrhage!

both razors,
it makes not a lot of sense.

small.
thin.
short.
well, I've sold my guns
left with just
small.
thin.
short.

& i had no in the first place.
just
small.
thin.
short.

blood gotta hit the floor
before 
small.
thin.
short
awakes

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

going through the motions

waking up to the
stink of sex.
i feel

am

tired old slightly 
sick.
it will be more than slightly soon.

before the thought was
finalized,

I'd lost 
context &
association

meaning.
meat.

Monday, April 18, 2016

i know my iv metaphors

it's like a drip
steady

sometimes surging
always going

sooner
or
later
plasma levels
hit the magic mark.

you hear yourself say
i love you.
every time

oops

when calculating the odds
while
lacking data
you're calculating precisely
shit.


that's why i'm shivering right now
&
wander
at what concrete point
does the heart muscle damage
occur.

one handful of good intentions, the other full of shit

what used to flay
...

get used
enjoy the breath
enjoy the compromise
 choke a lot?
 pressure that replaced 
the old,
decent pain

this

fucking pathetic.

blacken out
at

4 a.m.

scrounge fort that old,
decent pain.
the one that flayed.

crippling& still not at all as
humiliating
as this

compromise

getting along
long.

the contempt.
fuck.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

malfunction or it ain't gonna stop as far as i can see

remnants
hard to kill code
wipe it
time&time
again.

no matter how good my 
housecleaning,
some stays embedded
beyond
in between
the baffles.

hard to kill code.
viral.
&
my mind is triggered on a
shitload
of ports.

a sight
a sound
a scent
a touch
...

april 10

spring doesn't mean shit
i don't expose to daylight

for days

it's chemistry
&
i am well aware

depression doesn't care

it's embarrassing

override

the stupor of benzos
that urge to harm

is better suppressed.

hair standing 
upright
&

the weakness pulls a squeal
from the bottom of the throat
.
upfront
at teeth

it comes out as a 
really
really
ugly posture of intimidation.

sick&bent on
injury
to relieve.


this dying takes so fucking long

i
am
in a coil.

any moment now