deteriorate? nothing to it; like riding a bike.

 more&more&
         all
on its own
getting increasingly
relaxed
with the notion of dying
&
with dying itself.
interesting as it is
it is not helping
at all.

will is a stupid
      stupid thing.
stupid&stubborn&unseeing.
never survives the contact
with reality;

even when it holds up,
the laughter i hear is the sound
of something else breaking.
most likely
another portion of my

sanity.

laughter i hear
&
the tearing i feel.

absorb  klonazepam
collapse into sleep
dream of fucking
&
shooting;
what little love
i
got
&
gave;
respectively.
all the strain my resistance ever
secretly yearned.
laughter rises in pitch;
what has snapped this time,
i do not bother to inspect.

i can picture it more clearly than you can stomach

steel hurts
more than it should

blunt all ready
fucking standards or
more precisely the lack of,

assured tear on exit
but
,
push against the pain
a bit more
&
pop,

we're in.

negative pressure
vacuum gives to red

8 seconds of
countdown
5 of
timelesness.
a single rewarding experience left
no rewarding experiences left.