erradicate humanity or crisis of fate; the cause that ain't lost isn't worth the hanged man nor his time

drinking into sleep
&
it ain't going well enough.

a cigarette.
another.

dull blade,
I clean the wax & ash 
from under fingernails.

another.

slowly
slowly
perspective gets weird 
vertically
&
horizontally.
ethyl.
another.

as 
" the bosses  right to live 
is mine to die"

&
another,
saturation to the software fuck up point,
hence
i get nostalgic
sentimental,
all the petty malfunctions.

another.
100 & some more proof,
a stupid angloamerican measurement
24 grad,
that one i know & understand.
serious poison.

&
another.
what the hell was I intending to write,
i can't recall

pass out time.

it's just people . stoked up, living their own virtuality, no doubt proud of the achievements...... blast the fucking walls down to expose, & it is just shitty people & their shitty agendas

ignorant & undereducated
well,
I am kind of working on that.
not too much though- strictly technical stuff.

having delegated most of my existence
&
without  much choice on anything;

 keep what little is left of my human integrity
tucked away.
more\less safe.
even from me.

strolling through the fields,
mud.
dying annuals.
fuck.
behold the famed fence.
that is BORDER for any of you who accidentally stumbled across this text,
& read this far. you may not be familiar with the concept.
 see, the mutants set up the lines encompassing the
mud
dying vegetation
moles
people
birds
topography
& 
the fucking sky.

mutants set up, as well, the fraud, colloquially known as monetary system
free markets
&
the like;
I know these things because, firstly, I am a junkie & a lot of it is analogous
                                        & secondly, I read .

lovely& oh so reasonable, they ( which in fact is us) just crave 12.7 to the groin.

& you delegate all the development, commerce, politics, everything all thr\e way down to the local. 
& the gears are turning- so easily we learn to except their scheming, murdering, lying, the whole freak show.
cause it is soo much easier.
&we learn to be thankful for what little security, stability, prosperity, predictability, security... mutants do for you daily.

ok,
they fuck up grandiosely most those things,
but it's a process, there are bound to be some mistakes.
& we learn to delegate our safety, allways forgetting
that there is no one
              safe 
              nor
             innocent here.
you learn to be thankful, 'cause  shit,
now you can pursue your so important dreams.
   

           you really ought to watch out for that.

          for gratitude to pigs.



* thanx for the material Kovac

peripheral circulation fucked up&down or too cold to sleep & it is not even december yet

importance of preparation should not
be underestimated.

therefore, I can't help but feel
thoroughly stupid.
stupid or maybe just
consistent.

it is not mutually excluding.

freezing my fucking spine off
is quite an experience;
from what I read 
a warm, human body
helps upping those Celsiuses
efficient as fuck.
 
    no reason not to believe it,
    after all, it was nazi meds
that came up with the technique.
maybe liable for firing squad,
no, surely,
but they knew their shit.
ah, well, got  to stick to less efficient methods, 
the body required is not on disposal.

everyhthing pisses me off or enjoy the law of big numbers as long as it applies, you're irrelevant& your cuntishness is nothing special

turns out I can not stand
anything.
really.
 not a god damn thing.

 if there was any gravity to
my existance
i would probbably  qualify as an 
human abortion.


nothing.
  not even a memory in 
the minds 
once important 
persons.
doesn't get a lot cleaner than that.

8×57mm 9×39mm 7×64mm 12.7 ×108mm

a new tattoo is in  order.
C.I.P. diagram of
an array of cartridges.

but personal favorite

12.7 ×108mm dshk.
beauty is there if you can see.

or 7×57mm.

no.
 12.7 ×108mm dshk
like this
 

only if absolutely necessary, and even than.... no

we talked the other day&
it was pretty miserable.

all i have to say to you
precipitates into a single
word.
& futile.

 on the other side of the table
halfassed consolations (& what an ass it was, if memory serves me),
& a bit of rage.
understandable,
apparently, i am rude.
well, a human failure, insomniac, rotten teeth and  a small cock.
sure, rude.

blood doesn't gush, so it's irrelevant kind of rude.
can't hurt you, except in nightmares.
right.
you give me fucking nightmares.
once a week, or so
( thank you zopiclone)
we're either fucking or making love.

i recall one time ( thank you zopiclone)
dreaming my mother during the seizure
that killed her.
twitching, unconsciousness, soaked through with piss, inarticulate sounds
&
vomit everywhere.
vomit all over her.

there.

now,
this sexual nightmare is worse.
grown into my disappointment, there will be no goodbyes.
500 g of trotil.
so, fuck surrealism, this is acute & very real.

to the point of not being able to masturbate,
as your fucking face, breast& ass
is haunting.

summary

petty monster.

quite.
 all ties severed.


    tough shit.

" a mess of disintegrating cells.
sewn together by a chemical thread,"

dwelling . dwelling.

and stockpiling,  .

stockpiling.

i am accutely aware of my realtionships reaching affective zero

Momentum is a bitch.

this Cripple Ballet is wearing me down;

at this level of saturation

__________ every dream

__________ or memory

leaves zinc in my

mouth.

"a Different set of Emotions Now"

You said it.

fun

.22
5.5 mm
2cond generation military scope.
a live target.
and a  50 mg of methadone.
a proper fuckin holiday.

" a blade is a blade only when it cuts" or figuring out the necessary fundamentals like velocity, mass, angles & so on...

country side
& not of Swiss type.

 find a dead pig
not overly decomposed
if possible.

around dumps&  land fills.

nearby tree, rope& no one within visual.

      it really  is analogous.
doesn't strike back
or evade,
but, provides experience.
priceless experience.
 

a dull blade is a failure in tool maintenence

motion is beauty
elegance& momentum.
  takes right through to the
             bone.
scrape the bone.

war is an utterly disgusting fundamental aspect of humanity, yet it piles up cash. bodies as well, but that is irrerlevant

yes, arm the homeless.
soon they'll have wares on their hands anyways.
dogs bite too much&
a pressure cooker is sooner or later going to do what it should.

than some brass balled decision makers
will do the only thing they know- rain fire & stupid bombs
& do their best to scare everyone into believing their bullshit.
   free markets demand a constant flow of blood, malnutrition & ignorance.
   it's a decent god.
so we'll have 16 stars generals, fucking drafted whores into wrong holes,
blade made by the look of coagulation around, as savers of civilization as we know it.

&all this horror is a good thing
as it ain't stopping until the chaos rides out.
than players that give us our little narratives 
and fill the history books 
give years of material for shitty history channel type
     "documentaries".
about strategy
tactics.
like, that is what birthed this outcome respected viewer.
the kind of human shit
that can not communicate outside misinformation, distortion, half truths, misquotation, out of context& plain outright fucking lying.
just suits selling their bluff,
i so wanna see it called.
I'm dead anyway, so i really want to see it.
plenty of wares left around,
aks of all kinds
dragunovs& 76s
rpgs 7 to 32
all cheap shit& does the job. 
grozas, vikhrs, vintorez, kords,kpv for 14,5 by 114 fucking mm.
all to fucking smithereens.
than start over again

the problem didn't solve itself by simply dying

today's k.o.?
not much left.
alprazolam, shitty diazepam
what looks like bromaz.

that won't suffice.

there is a scene in sin city
( even in film)
when Marv contemplates
the experience of goddess.
Marv's on psychoactives too.

but, i ain't contemplating.
nor do i know any goddesses.
all I'm doing, is waiting too fall unconscious.

whatever happens after,
   since I've run  out of
   zopiclone& its peculiar side effects,
I hope i won't remember.

a decent title would be "i can not ever love another cunt" ; too bad it is taken all ready

apotheosis.
fuck, that took forever to remember.
apotheosis.

a fine greek word.
brilliant.
your slit is apotheosis.
your beautiful slit.

squalor or wanna share?

Humongous bath tub
Humongous water heater
That thing that acts as a table\plate
fix it on the tubsides
for all the books,sharp liquor, coffee, cigarettes, rigs, food, ashtrayz.....

bath salts, bath oils& all other
unnecessary foaming bullshit.

ambient temperature around 27 degrees Celsius.
Towels as thick as my dick hair.

Clean, proper sized underwear.
Clean, scented bed sheets


             Soft mattress.

another body

in the frame.

is  more than my

structural integrity

dares.
i know you too well anyway.

so crank up that German apnea.
  
 warm running water alone

               is
 improbable. 
  

SHITTY, GREASY BARS or A DEATH WHISH, PROSPECT OF PHYSICAL DAMAGE & WHAT THE FUCK

what is with all this blood?
is it all mine,
fuck,
not  likely.

           check  functionality.

            yes.

            thank you, Richard.
functionality first.

     can not be all mine
too much of it.

opened face leaks a lot,
but, it is neither long, nor deep.
      so, who&where is the other donor ?



pigs insist.
god damn
too much klonazepam
over ethyl.

colloquial known as a " eraser head",

great name, that is exactly what 
                  it does.
whoever is it jacking this time
    Fuck Him.
it s a mutual understanding.




              

300 m|s , double the weight still 270 proper

            standard 5.5. slug
          comes out the factory a gram heavy.

            add a bit molten lead
 &,
we're more /less at 2 grams...

that is enough joules
for most purposes.

               i checked. 

meat or fuck you super ego, and than fuck you some more

the other night
we were fucking like animals.
death row kind of sex.

of course, that was all a dream.

had to end
with a stupid face
with a stupig grin.

stupid grin
&lingering taste of your cunt
      &
stomach hair all messed up.
 i make a surrendering sigh.

a stupid face.

thank you for technology, big brain

klonazepam
diazepam
alprazolam
flunitrazepam
lorazepam
bromazepam
midazolam
nitrazepam
chlordiazepoxide
quazepam
triazolam
zolpidem
zopiclone
& so on.
reasons, reasons, controlled subs....
whatfuckinever.
 i just need to sleep.

chlorpromazine.

takes so fucking long or read the fine print. twice

     circles.

one poison to the another.

this sleeve still reacts

to the pheromone presence

 in unwelcome ways.

     circles.

so break the pattern for a second

to lower our defenses.

one poison to the another.

i am so bored of myself, 

of this sleeve,

&  your halfassed insinuations.

 it is beyond me.

my control 

moving towards

sharp edges.

metallic, stinging taste on my

tongue.

     circles.

my doctor says i should see a doctor

flooding&
landslides&
frosted mud
annual prospect of misery
 ditch full of frozen Syrians

 ditch id
 join Syrians

to run away.
to whatever.
away from winter at home.

backing off from sharp edged
desires,
somehow,
i resolve in uncommitted empathy.

thin.
stretched out very
thin.

as good, or better than fishing

            the beauty of clean
               
          razor sharp edge.
       
           the beauty of a

          perfect cut.
takes hours 
takes days
to make one.
          on the other side
           of meditation.

            the beauty of consistent

         geometry.

            the beauty of identical

        angles.

high.
flat.
for perfect cut.

takes years
takes life
to make one.

            close enough to love
            for me.
            

what a pathetic, wasteful times we live in

this whole god damn country
suffers from
Stockholm syndrome.
 as, is most likely the case with
all the others.

if i had a spine made for prayer,
I'd ask some free will.
      a waste of ammo,
      i know.
 but, still.

gesture.
drama.
 terror against terror
& free will against free will.

death stinks almost as life does.

a "hole" is a 
hole in the ground
where they dump dead
pigs.
it's a farm thing.
      piles up.


& I am a structure maintenance 
                 thing.

      piles up
as well.

3 2mg bupe tabs
in 4 ml "sterile" water.
don't do this at home
or anywhere else.
0.60. steel does the job
without filtering.

atherosclerosis, hello to you too.

they pile up.
& it reeks

buy the ticket, take the ride

in the words
of  the old Pig Feeder:
       " trust the germans
     to concoct some truly
          evil
          shit."

they're all german now days.
other than that
spot on
Priest.
this 'norphine is
the shit.


the evil shit.

hepatic metabolism back to normal

i would like to exist

within the static
of  empty mind,.

at an ambient temperature of
27 degrees Celsius.

i am sure
that it would be a very small thing
to ask for
if there was a foundation
for such request 
&
the instance responsible for meeting it.