got to go to work. god damn what a bummer

i do realize 
i'm a fucking deviant,
but just can't help myself
sometimes.

here's your fucking home
all drywalled&plastered&painted
&made up in 
pointless peculiar decorative
shit.

&
no,
thank you,
it's
my
job
&
as much opium as i can cram in.
i hope i'll kill myself,
before i do someone else.

now you made it worse

time crawls
like
radiation poisoning
at 04.27
i am roscoe rules
who wishes there was a word
as dirty as nigger
to apply to entirety
of mankind.

consciousness speaks in tongues

i  haven't visited my mothers grave
for years.
don't know how many.
don't know if i would find it anymore.

for the guilt that sits on my 
memories
is not with the 
bones
&
decomposing veneer. 

white knuckle grip translates into elbow to larynx or this magnitude of strain should not be possible without me breaking... some...

irritable
as a hornet,
feels kinetic
&
i've got to shed it.

can't stand a fucking
thing.

yet another round for a
recoilless gun
recycling the payload
with a power saw
this time.scare the birds right off the trees
in 2 klick radius.
consciousness rattling inside,
gnawing on the ropes,

run away  
head first into traffic,

explode
dissipating molecules
throughout upper atmosphere.

fantasize of being
a komodo dragon,
reptile stupidity,
smelting furnace white hatred,
infected saliva
&
all that.
you god fuck
better do something,
as i don't know what.
to what.

the laughter sounds nothing like me;
made me flinch
something out of
a shitty horror film.
maniacal giggle.
at just the right moment,
i overhear someone talking about 
rights.
loosing context back there
well...
can't help
won't.

"some arenas are so corrupt,
that the only clean act possible
is the nihilist one"*

* A.C.  Q F  RM

poverty a disease a poverty

being sick in conditions like these,
well,
it's a squalor
you wouldn't know.

i thought that it was tempering,
but no:
it's plain
miserable.
 a cut right down to the fucking measure.
proper measure.

tramadol
ibuprofen
codeine
paracetamol
ibuprofen
bromazepam
bromazepam
bromazepam

plenty of water.

doesn't go away easy.

&
mere 
80 mills
of methadone
would sort me out;
flu or not,
pox
vomito negro,
marburg or cold,
&
have me walking 
on amputated stumps.
if i had it.

&
when i do go under
i dream those high cranes,
bodies stringed,
juxtaposing skyline,
swinging,
gently.

incidentally high connection to the server has timed out 4 quality insights i failed to retrieve ganja made everything worse

can't stop
prodding the cavity,
this is a stupidity
of
heavy caliber.

very subtle

it's a Friday thing
because i am Friday
&
got to take it out

harm

bare hands
just the same
i understand now
the stupid damage
that was done
that 
i 
am
doing
that i am
come to think of it
on Friday.