mutation or i am a fucking alien & it's far less fun than you might think

bonded in filth
&
coagulated blood.
there's no rapture left
to elevate
&
no time.
it's either hatred
or we're stuck together.
i hear through steel,
in tongue of dark
venous blood.
 umbilical has stretched far
 beyond a romance
 a noose;
swings a caricature
falling long but so slow,
the neck hasn't cracked.

a gasp
a hartbeat
a year
explosion
supernova with every impulse
this can go on for quite a while.
a caricature.
it's either hatred or nothing.

see, this is what happens when insanity holds back for fucking years, seamingly out of spite

easy enough to recognize this pattern.
it's dying.
it's "time" dissipating into
uselessness
a slow motion K.O.

futility of staring into futility

no point in pointing out
it ain't going anywhere.
entropy has had enough.

small pockets of affection,
not nearly enough for a life.

trigger or how internal ballistics make an excellent metaphor for what i'd rather not say outloud

   irregular intervals

memory span too short,
or I'm just too dumb to figure out
a pattern.

the fucking thing won't die.

emotional soup as useless
as appendix
&
subject to annoying inflammations.
annoying.

@irregular intervals.
too dumb;
&
you might add:
too frail
or broken
or cowardly
or stuck
or whatfuckingever,
to cut the bullshit to proper measure.
&
i might add:
....
well
useless to argue
&
disturbing.
loss.
it's got to be simple pathology.
@irregular intervals.

i really rather wouldn't

a guilt to deal with
&
quite well i do.
with
or without
a proper
full,
non selective agonist.

it's this void "inside"
where,
supposedly
self is residing,
that's sucking in the rest.

hole like a fucking unattended grave.

a hermit,
i am used to
&
abused by
(non)human condition.
&
a hermits reward
is a more literal hole.
revelations
&
burning bushes.
not nearly good enough.
not nearly.

"... the boys called me el hombre invisible..."

enjoying summer or snow,
enjoying whatever
for the sake of it;

rain...
conversation.

enjoying my body,
or someone elses,

walk
for the sake of it.
enjoying warmth, music
&
a good meal.
a hot bath.

enjoying all those things i loved
&
might have been good at.

stars.

high,
& a good book.

enjoying
my
life
strenght
family

enjoying a birthday.
being human.

i kind of miss that.